2014

hi.

It’s been a while. 
Last time I posted was couple months ago, other than music.

Well, Happy New Year!
Let me say, it has been a crazy and challenging 2013.

This year, 2014.
I’ll be 26 years old. It has been hard since after graduating Biola as a Liberal Studies major, I thought I was going into teaching. But slowly, God is closing that door in my life. I only thought that impacting kids will only come through teaching, but I was wrong. I do not know where God wants me to go as in career wise and it’s been very stressful because I am 25 without a career. I know in Luke 1:37, with God nothing is impossible. 

I started attending a new church, MarsHill. I went to the first service last sunday and it was awesome. Pastor Mark Driscoll finished the last chapter of Malachi.

——-

^ That above there was written in January. I kept it as a draft.. don’t know why but I guess I will continue on from there.

It is May 20, 2014

I am 26 years old, I’ve been attending Marshill for about 5 months now. He just finished the book of James and now finishing up the other half of Acts. 

I got myself plugged into community group and it’s been so amazing, challenging and encouraging. It’s encouraging to know that the community group is gospel centered and not gossip centered. It’s encouraging to see all my brothers and sisters in the community group grow and be challenged by each other. I’ve got to share a lot of myself to them and they always pointed to Jesus. 

My view of guys was messed up, thinking their purpose was to just get in your pants (most of them). It was really eye opening to hear from the brothers in my community group that they were once one of those guys; using girls emotionally and physically. One of them, coming to know jesus, went back to all the girls and repented. He said he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t have the Holy Spirit. dang right? real repentance. humility. 

I struggled with my worth, value and identity since I was little. Through Marshill’s sermons, community group, my sister and sisters in Christ, I started to find my identity in Jesus. I started finding my identity in the Gospel. Its been a struggle since I’ve always wanted the attention from guys. I felt satisfied from a guy giving me attention, even if it was the wrong kind. I’m not saying I’m perfect, to be honest, it is still a struggle. But in those moment, instead of feeding my sinful nature, I got to crucify it. I know that my worth and value was given through Jesus when He died for me on that cross. AND! it shouldn’t be the person you despise, but the sin they let control them. 

Career wise, I want to work with kids.. one on one. 
Especially when it comes to speaking truth over their life. I thought of Social Work/Counseling. It sucks to be 26 and be in this dilemma, but God is in control & I trust Him. I am grateful for the job opportunities he already placed in my life. :)

I am grateful for all the sisters, community groups, those few brothers that speak truth over my life- reminding me that it’s not about me but all about Jesus. Thank You. :)

so to end all of this. I am human & a sinner. I am going to fail and fall, but I have to repent & turn away from it. Continually fixing my eyes on the Cross. No room for Sin. Constantly preaching the gospel to myself and to others. Submitting my thoughts to Jesus. 

I will find my life in You, 
You’re always enough, always enough
Let the fullness of Your love
Be all I need, all I need. 
Kari Jobe: Always Enough

Saved through Faith alone, Grace alone & Christ alone.

Dang listening to this song brought me to tears.

Last Thursday, I had to do a biopsy on my neck. Previously, I did a Pet/Ct Scan and through that scan- it highlighted the right side of my neck. The doctors thought it would be best if I did biopsy to see if it was cancer or not. I knew it was going to be painful, but I thought it was going to bearable. Thursday approaches. I wasn’t nervous. I waited in the waiting room reading Mark Driscoll’s “Religion Saves.” After 10 minutes or so, they called my name and I followed the receptionist to the radiology room. I got into the room and changed into a gown. I got seated and the doctor was preparing me for the procedure. The main doctor came in and shared with me what was going to happen. He injected the numbing medicine. It was a little painful.

He needed to get - i don’t know how many samples- I think two.
But it was the most painful thing ever. He didn’t really numb some areas and while he had the needle in my neck- he just went through that ‘un-numbed’ area. I started sobbing and screaming. All I could think about was Jesus. The pain wasn’t just once- the other doctor had to hold me down because I wanted to get into a fetal position. He first had to put a needle in that was thicker than the second needle. The second needle is the needle that would be sucking out the sample. After failing the first time, he had to inject the needle to another area. As he was trying to get a sample, it was the most excruciating pain ever. After taking one sample out, he said he needed to do one more time. I was hyperventilating- crying. Everything was done in an hour.
I told God, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” But even me saying that, I told God.. if I have to go through this.. I NEED you to be with me because I cannot do this.

So this song- She is blind.
In the lyrics, “I don’t know the reasons why you brought me here.”
And some might say I should blame God or even hate him.
But I do not blame him or hate him.

To be honest, I don’t know why this is in my life but she writes,
“So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You
And it may not be the way I would’ve chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone.”

So in the midst of my pain, I felt the closest to God.
I cannot compare my pains to what Jesus went through.
And for what reasons? He loved us. He wanted to demonstrate his love for us. (Romans 5:8)
My pain? It’s temporary & nothing compared to what Jesus went through. So I have to cling to Jesus because He is being glorified through this.

Lyrics
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reasons why you brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to.

And it may not be the way I would’ve chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering that your love put you through
And I will go through the valley if you want me to.

When I cross over Jordan, I’m gonna sing, gonna shout
I’m gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if You want me to

Lord, I come
To tell you I love You
To tell you I need You
To tell you there’s no better place for me than in Your arms

To tell you I’m sorry for running in circles
For placing my focus on the waves not on your face

You’re the only one who brings me peace
You’re the only one who brings me peace
In the storm

I’m so forgetful, but you always remind me
You’re the only one who brings me peace

From my heart to the Heavens
Jesus be the center
It’s all about You
Yes it’s all about You




At this new chapter of my life, God be the center of all it.

Shane & Shane - Yearn

Lord, I want to yearn for You 
I want to burn with passion over You
And Only You

Your hands nailed through My comfort 
Your body bruised My comfort 
Your name blasphemed My comfort
Your eyes on me My comfort 
Your tears of grief falling to the ground My comfort 
The Jewish king hailed mockingly My comfort

The sky dark and all the hateful voices
Your perseverance with eyes lifted upward
Your robe divided, Your cross brought low 
The tomb found empty, alive forevermore 

So I must hide away beneath the shadow of Your wings 
And when I lose my way I have a shade that covers me
You cover me

Thank You, Jesus

Shane & Shane featuring John Piper - Though You Slay Me

Do not look to what is seen.
Therefore, do not lose heart, but take these truths and day by day focus on them.
Preach them to yourself, every morning
Get alone with God and preach His word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.

Though you slay me, yet I will praise You
Though you take from me, I will bless your name
Though you ruin me, still I will worship sing a song to the one who’s all I need 

Bolivia & Argentina Medical Mission 2013

missed this so much.

Glimpse of Bolivia & Argentina Mission trip.

God continues to reveal himself as I still write my thank you cards to those who have supported me for Bolivia & Argentina.

Bolivia and Argentina was such a blessing. I’ll probably not go into details, but Bolivia & Argentina have such a special place in my heart.

I had the coolest small group. We were called team Glory! Jackie Son being our small group- man. i love her so much. I was so blessed by her. Every word she spoke always pointed to Jesus. We would pray for one another & encourage one another. We got to share our deepest hurts, failures, being vulnerable and broken. But even when we shared, God was so present. Things we believed were something that could not be mendable or healed, we were reminded of his unfailing Love. A God who heals. A God who WANTS to heal. A God who wants to restore. A God who wants to use our brokeness for Him. He makes beautiful things out of our brokenness. We were known as the “intense” small group. hahaha. This is what it meant to be a community. A family of believers. Thanks! Like I said before- I learned so much from each and one of you.

image
Miss everyone! :)

I love your presence.

raw worship. so gooooood. 

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong 
When the pain is real, when it’s hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen,
God I know that

You lift me up, You’ll never leave me searching,
Find You in the place I’m in, find You when I’m at my end,
Find You when there’s nothing left of me to offer You except for brokenness.
You lift me up, You’ll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I’ll find You on my knees.

summmmmmmmmmmmmmerrrr.

beach cruisin’ song :)

Spending time with the father this afternoon reminded me of a letter a close friend wrote me a while back.

"He is life, he is the gentle whisper in your ear when you are hurting. He is the one whose very presence makes walls crumble.” 

It was a good reminder. Only Jesus can break my walls. Only he can.